ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
