Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Someone stole a lamp last night.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
