you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
