i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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