then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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