If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
