i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
