I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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