Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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