things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
