I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
