booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
