I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
