Will you blow on my dice?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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