I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
