he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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