I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize