We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
