i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
did you just send me my own nude
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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