shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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