i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
