Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Naked Twister starts at high noon
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
