if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
