My brain says no but my pants say off.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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