You work out of a Hotel?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize