i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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