Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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