The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
