Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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