epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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