So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
