I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
