My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just want nice things and good sex
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
