She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
