I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You took a bar mat shot.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
