Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize