I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
