If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
