Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
