my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
