I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Nicole vs. Life
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
