I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
it hurts more in the daytime
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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