Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
