i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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