Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
