I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize