I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
