I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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