You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
