I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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