Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize