chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
God, I missed his penis.
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