Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
