If that was your dad, he is hot
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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