I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
