I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
