I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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