yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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