I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize