you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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