Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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