What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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