he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
