I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
