i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
