dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
