Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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