do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
