I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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