She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
