Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
