The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize