Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
