I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
