every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think your dad took our porno
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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