Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
