i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
