Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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