I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
