He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
