I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
