Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
