I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
