I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
