is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
