We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
