Screwed.edu
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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