theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
