Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize