According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
