Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
