They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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