Rock
Scissors
Fuck
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
