You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
