So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
