if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
