I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
