I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The Olympian is in my bed
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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