I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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