some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
