I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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