I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
