currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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