Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
