just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
