omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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