don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I woke up under a house in Key West
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
