bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
