I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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