So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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