8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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