we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
